Dear Diary, I woke up feeling tired and low this morning. My alarm went off at 6:30 but rolled over and snoozed until 7:30. I’m meant to be attending the DDD Sydney conference today but the trains were delayed. By the time I got to central station I needed to have a teary in the toilet. It was the first time I’ve had an unprompted crying breakdown in a while. I’m not that concerned about it though, I just needed an outlet. If depression was trying to settle back in that sensation of being on the verge of tears would be sticking around all day. That’s the debilitating side of depression and I’m not experiencing that today. It’s passed now which I’m grateful for. Now I just want to sit in a cafe and write to you about it. Sitting in a warm cafe with nice music and a coffee is like a warm hug for me. It’s how I recharge.
I’ve had a constant headache for a few weeks, I thought I might not be drinking enough liquids. I haven’t been sleeping all that well. I have a fair amount of stuff on my plate. My uterus was trying to kill me this week. Maybe I’m not exercising enough? Maybe there’s something missing from my diet? I don’t know what’s causing my low mood, all that I know is feeling constantly tired is my main trigger and it tipped me over today. When I was fat it was easy to think, “I’ll have more energy when I lose the weight”. I do feel more resilient about my mental health now that I’ve lost weight but I still have some niggling issues that pop up every now and again.
Next steps; track the low moments
I won’t know what to improve on if I don’t have any data to back up my hunches about my low mood. Next week I’m going to keep a physical journal. I need to track a weeks worth of;
- meditation practice
- general mood
Do you mind if I share my journal with you? If I don’t tell anyone about it then I might never finish it. I need help with some external accountability. Maybe you’d like to keep your own health journal/tracker and share it with me? It doesn’t have to be public. You could send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org or a Facebook message if we are connected there. After a week of data I plan on going to my doctor for some advice.