Categories
mental health Weight Loss

1 day before surgery

I have my first ever surgery tomorrow. I’m nervous yet excited. The pre surgery diet has been ok. When I was in Melbourne 2 weeks ago for a conference I slipped up and I didn’t stick to the diet completely. Part of me feels like a failure for needing to rely on surgery to get on top of my health, it feels like I didn’t care enough about my health to want to do anything about it. But a few months ago, I tried a liquid food diet with the idea of , “if I can keep this up, I don’t need surgery” but I couldn’t keep it up and that was a realization for me.

I’m an emotional and experience eater. When I’m upset I often want to eat my emotions, I didn’t sleep very well while in Melbourne and I was a bit pre menstrual. So we can say my emotions were running high. I also find it hard to walk past a new experience, one of my undoings on my road trip was wanting to try all of the country towns pies. If I’m surrounded by a feast of food, I want to try everything at least once.

other than the slip up in Melbourne I’ve been ok with the diet. At least I’m not a boredom eater or an over obsessive clean eater. What type of eater are you?

Categories
Weight Loss

Fatness and You Can’t Ask That

I was watching an abc iView episode about fatness on a series called You Can’t ask That and I thought I would also answer their questions. So here goes it.

Why Are you so fat?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been fat. As a kid I was encouraged to eat everything off my plate, had asthma and loved playing video games. As an adult I’ve struggled with depression and I’ve had some bad behaviours around food develop.

Do people treat you differently because you’re fat?

Yes, I was always bullied as a kid for being overweight, it’s not as bad now but I have been called a whale on dating sites before. there is also an unconscious bias towards fatness, it signals laziness, disregard for health, overeating and poor lifestyle choices. This bias impacts fat people’s access to health care and earning potential. I’m concerned that during my career someone will judge me as lazy and recognize the hard work I’ve put in. I tend to over compensate by over committing and ensuring I’m heard.

How do you wipe your butt?

I don’t, lol that’s not true I wipe my butt with toilet paper. If you really want to know, I wipe from the front because of easier access. I know this comes with higher risk of bacteria infections. I once had someone ask me, “How big is your shit?”, how does someone respond to that?

How do you feel about the word “Obese”?

Feel? it’s a medical term to classify fatness. I don’t have any feelings towards it, is indifferent a feeling? I know I’m obese, just like I know I’m fat.

When was the last time you were skinny?

Maybe when I was 3, before I had proper memory so I don’t remember. I have lost weight before but I’ve never been skinny.

Why don’t you just eat less?

I have mental health issues, if it was just that easy than I wouldn’t be this fat and we wouldn’t be talking about the impending obesity epidemic in developed countries. That is a simplified understanding to a complex problem that is different for everyone. Diets aren’t sustainable, those industries don’t want you to keep the weight off, also we are constantly being bombarded/tempted with food. Alcoholics are told to avoid alcohol, I can’t exactly avoid food.

Are you worried about your health?

Fuck yes, that’s why I’m going through weight loss surgery next week. I want to try to mitigate some of health risks that come with long term obesity.

How do you feel about airplane seats?

They aren’t designed for comfort, it’s always nice when you get an empty seat next to you or get the emergency exit rows with a bit of extra legroom. The first time I had to ask for a seat belt extension was nerve racking but after that it was ok. The first time I struggled with my seatbelt brought on a depressive episode, when the seats start to feel comfortable again it’s a little boost in confidence to show me the progress I’ve made. I always try to strike up conversations with the people I travel with and I’ve met some interesting people this way.

Do you exercise?

Yes, I need to do more but the fact that I have more weight means I use more energy just moving about. It’s great in winter but horrible in summer. Once I’ve recovered from surgery I will be getting back into a good routine.

Is sex difficult when you’re fat?

In my experience, no. I’m not exactly going to be doing standing 69ers really easily, but where there is a will there is a way. It might require a bit more prep and a bit of rope but I could still do standing 69ers if I really wanted to. Also if someone doesn’t like my weight, I’m not forcing them to sleep with me. I try to find non judgemental people to sleep with anyway.

If you could weigh less tomorrow would you?

Yes. This is like asking, if you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you spend it on? In the abc iview I really like the quote, “I could take a dump and I’d weigh less in 5 minutes, if you like”. I would prefer to focus on my health rather than some arbitrary weight number. I could weigh less if I went to the moon. My health is so much more than my weight, there’s physical, mental and social health.

Categories
Weight Loss

33 days BS (before surgery)

I’ve done all of my pre surgery appointments; I’ve had my blood tests, nutritionist appointment and doctors appointment. I’ve decided to test out the pre surgery diet starting today. I don’t need to start the pre surgery diet until 2 weeks before surgery but I’d thought I’d test it out a little early. I’m currently 126kg with a BMI of 47.

this pre surgery diet involves having optifast for 3 meals a day, snacking on low carb vegies, drinking plenty of water and avoiding all sugary drinks. I’m aloud to drink black coffee and tea. Here’s an example of what I’ve been consuming today:

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I’m 2 meals into my first day and my verdict is it’s not completely horrible. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Sure I’ve been hungry and food is everywhere but the 2 shakes so far haven’t tasted horrible and I’ve been able to explore the coffee scene in Perth. I’ve basically been exploring Perth via lane ways and espresso. Perth has a good coffee culture and I haven’t struggled finding good coffee.

Just before lunch, I did feel a little lite headed. I was doing research yesterday on loose skin after surgery and I’m a little concerned that I’ll have loose skin around my thighs which could make exercising difficult but it’s the price I might pay for trying to become a healthier me.

Here’s some more photos from today:

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Categories
mental health Weight Loss

Surgery, Surgery

Those words remind me of “Repo! The Genetic opera” and this catchy song:

Repo! is a musical set in some future time where people are addicted to surgery/body modifications. And if you can’t pay the repayments the repo man will come and take back what was modified; leaving people dead, disabled or otherwise incapacitated. It’s an interesting reflection on our consumerist society.

Anyway, I digress. The reason I’m thinking about surgery is because I’ve booked myself in for weight loss surgery for mid October. This will be my first ever operation. I feel like this is a sensitive topic. By now it seems that a sensitive topic = time for me to write a blog post about it. I feel like this is a extreme procedure but I obviously have an issue with my weight and I haven’t been able to fix it completely on my own. I currently weigh 126 kg and it puts my BMI at 47 which is in the, “Morbidly Obese” category. I’m going for the sleeve option where they remove 4/5ths of the stomach and staple it up. There’s around a 1 to 4 week recovery time.

I would like to take a risk based approach to this surgery. Being obese increases my risks of developing type 2 diabetes, poor mobility, poor mental health, reduced life span and reduced quality of life. Most people think life is a priceless thing that should be protected/preserved no matter what. By doing an extreme thing like weight loss surgery, I will greatly increase my chances of having a longer, more fulfilling life. My goal is to get my waistline below 80cm, I don’t actually care about the weight itself that much. My weight does impact my mental health and my mental health has been something shocking recently.

 

Would you consider almost any options to get a few more quality years later on in life?