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Lifestyle mental health

2 week challenge: end thoughts

Well it was 2 weeks ago that I decided to focus my time on being the best version of me. I said I would write a daily journal but it fell off at day 7. I’m ok with this. I’d like to spend some time chatting about things that break habits.

a silhouette of 3 mountain climbers at the top of a cliff with the sunsetting into a valley in the backdrop

Falling off the horse

A few things slipped for me, I didn’t keep up the daily journal and I haven’t been on a run for a few days. There were a few things in life that came up and caused the disruption.

  • Partner went to hospital
  • Got badly sunburnt (blisters on neck)
A cowboy falling off a horse, head first into some gravel. It's not a great look.
Try not to get a face full of gravel when you fall off the horse.

My partner developed a bad case of tonsillitis, went to emergnecy and was admitted overnight. They didn’t need to be drained or anything and two rounds of antibiotics helped set them right. But making sure they were cared for, fed and their house hold chores were kept on top of was my priority for a few days.

Then I went for a walk along Cronulla beach and got very badly burnt. So bad I had blisters on the back of my neck for 3 days. That injury really sucked my motivation for exercise. I was still able to go rock climbing but I did not want to run. I wanted to hide from the world and rest up. One of those days was spent playing sims 4.

It’s ok to slip up

Given the circumstances I still achieved being the best version of me. I still got some exercise in, I still ate well and I still kept to mostly water. I’m going to consider this still a win for me.

Beating yourself up for not meeting your own expectations is the worse thing you can do in this sitaution. I know first hand what’s it like to live with a harsh critic who will take any opportunity to make me feel like a failure. But I’m trying to not let that voice take up too much space on stage.

I’m proud of me for succeding in this 2 week challenge.

What’s next?

Well I can’t run and climb everyday when I’m back at work tomorrow. So keeping the sleep routine, doing some daily exercise most days of the week, daily meditations and daily vitamins are all habits I want to keep.

I’ll do a climb with my partner on Wednesday’s and one day on the weekend. I’ll squeeze in a morning climb on Tuesday’s. I’ll do a run on Monday and Wednesday mornings. With a longer run on the weekend. I’ll keep tracking my daily meditations.

I’m looking foward to this year being a good year. No matter what the circumstances I will be the best version of me. I’ll be able to take all of life’s up’s and downs with a confident stride.

I might keep up a weekly journal just to ckeck in on myself and see how I’m holding up.

Categories
Lifestyle mental health

Bean Dad and bad parenting

Content warning; racism, swearing and dickish parents

On twitter today, Bean Dad is trending. Basically a bloke told the story of letting his daughter struggle to open a can over 6 hours and didn’t help. He posted the story to twitter in a proud parent/teacher kinda a way. He’s now deleted his twitter account. Here’s a reddit thread with more context.

But seeing other people telling stories of living with dysfunctional parents got me thinking about my up bringing and I might share some stories here.

My family

I describe my self as coming from a bogan family; think aussie low class. This Bogans “Royals” parody is actually filmed in Tasmania (the state I grew up in):

My mum had me at 19. I was definetly unplanned. My parents have never married but they are still together after 30 odd years and 3 kids together. I’m the eldest, my sister is 4 years younger and my brother is 9 years younger than me.

I’m the only one in my family to go to uni. We grew up poor low socio economic when I was going to school and transitioned to better off bogans by the time my brother was going to school.

My Mum

I get on really well with my mum. We can talk for hours on the phone and when she visits Sydney and we go sight seeing we never get sick of each other.

She works as a receptionist at a doctors surgery with some cleaning work on the side. We both have a history of depression, obesity and a history of not getting along with our respective fathers.

My Dad

He’s pretty yobo. Think tradie, blue singlet, tattoos, short temper, not many teeth left and 9.5 fingers (he lost half a finger in a sawmill accident). Dropped out of highschool in year 8 and use to struggle with reading and writting (the internet has done wonders to his literacy). I still love him but he really knows how to piss me off without even trying.

My dad use to drink a lot when I was growing up. Nearly every weekend he’d be pissed in his shed with a few mates playing loud music. Would probably go through a carton of beer with a friend or two over 1 night. He doesn’t drink so much now.

My harsh critic has my dad’s voice

My internal harsh critic sounds an awful like my father. I think that’s why he irritates me so much. I’ve internalised his short temper as my self talk.

When I say, “for fuck sake Sam, you can’t do anything right”, I’m remembering myself in my Dad’s shed trying to help him with some project and passing the wrong tool. He would just say stuff like that without even thinking but I internalised it.

I haven’t spoken to Dad since March

I’ve called on his birthday and christmas and exchanged pleasantries but I haven’t had an in depth chat since March and had a period of not talking to him at all.

We were chatting about the pandemic and supermarkets running out of toilet paper/supplies. He said, “It’s those fucking chinese tourists, going to towns on buses and taking everything”. I tried to tell him that’s wrong/misinformation but he wouldn’t have any of it.

He then responds, “I fucking hate them [chinese] cunts, it’s all their fault”. I broke down into tears. I felt like he was criticising my friends. Working in tech I often work in teams with more people born in Asia/India than Australia. He just hung up on me. I remember tweeting something angry on twitter and complaining to my partner. I said, “that’s it, I’m not talking to my dad any more. He’s a racist cunt.”

One time I tried to confront my dad with how he made me feel. He only told me to grow up and act my age. Real mature. The last time I had confronted him before that was when I 16 and wrote a fake suicide note just to try express how much his words had hurt me. I think he had called me a fat lazy bitch after an argument.

Continueing with therapy

I had a chapt with my psychologist today and we might try some Imaginary Rescripting or chair work to work through some of my child hood traumas as part of schema therapy. It sounds like it will be hard but I’ve heard it can be quiet healing. I’ll keep you posted with how I go with it.

Categories
Job hunting Lifestyle mental health Weight Loss

2020 in reflection

ah, 2020. You started with such promise. So much potential for those perfect vision jokes. What a complete and utter dumpster fire you turned out to be.

Goal Setting?

I was going to use this blog to reflect on some goal setting for the year ahead but I didn’t achieve any of the goals I had set out last year. Im summary last year I said I’d do:

  1. Beat the overweight label
  2. Release a mobile app
  3. Start a podcast
  4. Pay off half of my credit card debt
  5. Practice 4 magic ceremonies

I didn’t achieve any of these things but I still had an ok year and survived a pandemic. So instead of setting goals I’m going to set intentions.

2021 intentions

I intend to be the best version of me for the next year. What do these intentions look like?

  • Continue therapy with my psychologist
  • Continue saving towards a house deposit
  • Continue paying off debt (I’ll get to 5k outstanding by the end of 2021 based on current rates, today it’s 15K outstanding)
  • Maintain a healthy lifestyle (climbing and running both 3 times a week)
  • Continue study
  • Daily meditations/reflections

Setting the bar low

Source, but I think the pole might snap

By setting an intention to be my best me I’m already doing an awesome job and we are only 3 days into the new year.

Physical health

The rest of the year still has too many questions for me to be able to set anything more. I’d still like to lose weight and beat the overweight label but I don’t care if I don’t achieve that this year. Surviving and looking after my health is more important than the number I see when I step on the scales.

Side projects

I still want to write a book and release an app but again I’m not going to beat myself up this year if I don’t do them. I’ve always had a tendancy to over load my plate too much. Study + Work is already going to be plenty too much for me.

Career goals

I’d like to try a different role this year, I’m leaning towards UX researcher but it’s also not the end of the world if this doesn’t happen either. Maintaining a job so I can continue to pay down debt is more important.

So yeah, I’ll set intentions this year and see how that goes. I’ve felt like 2020 was a shitty year but I did also learn some things about myself too.

Categories
Lifestyle mental health Weight Loss

2 week challenge: Day 3

This morning was a struggle, I’m now 3 days into this challenge. I’m doing today in reverse. Let’s start with dinner.

Dinner

Homemade cheats tonkotsu ramen. This does look pretty good in my opinion. It was very tasty too. I didn’t eat this serving size, I had a half serving. This was my partners serving (their big bowls are nicer). 2000-ish kJ, 30 gm of protein?

What makes it a cheats ramen? I use packet noodles. I use the really fancy japanese tonkotsu kind but it’s glorified instant noodles with better stock. I do the Char shu pork in the pressure cooker for 20 minutes and add toppings. I don’t do my own stock but I do cook the pork similar to the level 2 chef in this video (minus the flour and frying bit):

Afternoon

My afternoon was speant at my partners place. I went around at 2pm. We wen’t out to Akasha in five dock to pick up a case of little smith (an awesome session IPA beer).

They were feeling a bit under the weather, had enlarged tounsils from an infection and felt like a comfort soup. So ramen for dinner it was. We didn’t go climbing because of the unwellness. I started watching the queen’s gambit on netflix.

I had some chocolates and rice crackers as a snack.

Lunch

Mexican chicken on veg, I know I’ve eaten meat twice today but I needed to use this chicken because it was close to it’s use by when I bought it. 1700 kJ, 40gm of protein.

Morning

My headache seems to have gone but today my period is in full swing. I’m sore from yesterday’s run, so today’s run was extra slow.

Breakfast

Cottage cheese and caramelised onions on toast, 1500 kJ 20gm of protein. Surprsingly tasty. I’m pleased with this morning’s experiment.

I noticed my muppet come up today, I wanted to get frustrated at things even though there was nothing to get frustrated at. Overall it’s been a good day but part of my brain wanted to bring it down. But this muppet has a tendancy to come up when I’m going through my period, which is useful to observe.

I’m giving myself another green tick for today, I didn’t do all of my physio and I didn’t go climbing but there’s still time this week for it.

Categories
Lifestyle mental health Weight Loss

2 week challenge: Day 2

Here’s to day 2 of being the best version of me. Started improving my sleep routine. I naturally woke up at 6am this morning. Let’s hope I can keep it up.

I still have the caffeine withdrawal headaches today, they’ve eased a little though. I got a run in this morning atleast. My average pace was just a little better than yesterday.

Breakfast

Avocado on toast with some of the chocolate truffles I bought yesterday. Mmmm, this is my comfort food. I’ve probably eaten my own body weight in avocado on toast since the pandemic started.

Macros:

  • Energy: 2,000 kJ
  • Protein: 7 gm

I often buy a fancy loaf of sourdough, slice it up and put it in the fridge. It keeps for longer and I only ever use it for toast anyway.

Lunch

Chicken pesto pasta

If you are reading food labels make sure to watch out for servings per pack. This one said it had 2, and even with my tiny stomach after weight loss surgery I ate the whole thing:

Macros:

  • Energy: 3,500 kJ
  • Protein: 33 gm

After lunch I went for a walk, if I wasn’t doing this challenge I would have bought some cake along the way. Huzzah, the journal is helping. I did walk past a street library and picked up a few books though:

Snack

1/4 Waterball (aka tiny watermelon, isn’t it so cute 😀 )

Dinner

I made a bean chilli. I cooked a homemade tomato sauce all day to add to the chilli. My housemate is vegan and it’s helped me explore more vegan recipes.

I won’t calculate the macros for this but I think it’s less than 1,000 kJ and 10 to 15 gm of protein.

This evening I watched A Fistful of Dollars. I’m making my way through classic films with great soundtracks. On a side note, film 4 on that list is Pather Panchali (an old black and white bollywood film), I have not been able to find it with english sub titles. If any of my indian visitors can find a copy that I can access please let me know :).

I didn’t do my physio today but I’m still going to give myself a big giant green tick for a day well spent. I may have eaten a little more chocolate than I told you about but shh, I won’t tell if you don’t ;).

Categories
Lifestyle mental health Weight Loss

2 week challenge: Day 1

I’ve got the next two weeks off work and no plans to do anything. I’ve given myself the goal of being the best version of myself over that time. I’ll be posting a daily journal of my progress.

This series will be a little different to my regular content.

The Plan

Over the next two weeks I’ll do:

  • Drink only water
  • Have a 2/3 Vegetarian diet
  • Go rock climbing 3 times a week
  • Set up my sleep routine
  • Do daily meditation/journaling
  • Go for a daily run/walk
  • Do my physio exercises
  • Take my daily multi vitamins
  • Brush my teeth
  • Only play vidoe games after doing some writing

As I go through each day, I’ll make sure to tick it off on my white board. These are regular habits that I SHOULD have, but have slipped during the year. And yes, I do need a reminder to brush my teeth, I didn’t brush them for 6 months this year.

These daily posts will be a reflection of my thoughts of how that day went. I’m publishing these for my own accountability.

Caffeine withdrawals

The drinking only water is my biggest challenge for the next two weeks. The headaches from no coffee today have started to set in but they aren’t that bad. I’ve kicked the coffee habit before. But this also means no craft beer over the next two weeks :(.

Grocery Shopping

I did a big grocery shop for the week ahead. I’d been on a holiday/staying at my partners place over the last week and had no fresh produce. Today’s shop was just under $130. I hope I get to use all of this produce over the next week.

There was a bunch of reduced goods for sale at my local woolworths. Some salads and chicken were on sale, the hemp burgers look interesting to try and I had to restock on some spices.

Breakfast

My first meal was after the grocery shopping was at around 12:30pm (I had slept in this morning), It was a spinach and feta scroll and some cocoa dusted truffles. I microwaved the scroll for 30 seconds because it was a little stale.

Here’s the macro’s for that meal:

  • Energy: 1,600 kJ
  • Protein: 8.5 gm
  • Fat: 18.5 gm
  • Carbs: 41gm
    • Sugar: 15 gm

Now there’s nothing wrong with having chocolate. If I wasn’t doing this challenge over the next two weeks, I would have eaten the whole packet over the day (so this blog is already working). Instead I’m having one serve per day (there’s 5 serves in a packet, 1 serve is approx 3 truffles).

Lunch

It was a late lunch at 3:30PM after some rock climbing. Pumpkin and fetta tabbouleh salad, heated for 45 seconds in the microwave. I like the added warmth.

Macros:

  • Energy: 1,300 kJ
  • Protein: 16 gm
  • Fat: 15.5 gm
  • Carbs: 28 gm
    • Sugars: 5.5 gm

Went for a run

It wasn’t a long or hard run, I followed the getting started guided run on the Nike run app and it made me feel good. It’ll be good to see how I improve even just over 2 weeks.

Dinner

Dinner was the second spinach scroll and chicken proscuitto. There were meant to be 2 servings in the chicken but the vegies didn’t look great. So I ended eating up both. I also had a can of diet kirks lemonade.

Macros:

  • Energy: 3000 kJ
  • Protein: 60 gm

I know I said only water but I had this in the fridge before I started this, and the caffeine withdrawel headaches were making it hard to focus on Soul (a pixar film I watched after dinner.).

Other notes

Overall it was a great day. I got a climb in, started running again and ate pretty well. I over ate for dinner, I was meant to put aside half of it for tomorrow but oh well. Life goes on.

I did have a bowel movement at 2pm, I know this may seem like too much info but monitoring these movements is one indication of my health. It was a 1 to 2 on the bristol stool scale. Since having my gall bladder removed this year, if I have a bad food day I’m more often between the 5 to 7 on the scale, so it’s nice not to be there. I hope today’s food improves it for tomorrow.

First day journal done. Look out for day 2 tomorrow.

Categories
mental health

Schema Therapy part IV

Another schema survey, another reflection blog post for you. This time the survey was to figure out my schema mode’s.

The premise being that everyone develops patterns of coping with life. Some of these patterns are healthy and sometimes they can be spoilt little brats and throw tantrums about not getting their way.

Here’s what I score relatively highly on:

  • Impulsive/Undisciplined child
  • Punitive parent
  • Happy child/Healthy adult

Child Modes

Vulnerable Child

Can feel empty, alone & socially unacceptable. Alternatively, could be experiencing feelings of abandonment, sadness & worthlessness.

Impulsive Child

Acts on impulses moment-to-moment and can find it difficult to delay gratification.

Undisciplined Child

Cannot force him/herself to finish routine or boring tasks, gets quickly frustrated and gives up soon.

Reflections on my child modes

I knew I had an impulsive nature, this is one reason why I’ve struggled with my weight and finances for so long. But I also see this as a strength too. I get annoyed when people complain about something and this impulsive nature helps me to get other people to take action. But this also often leads me to do too many things at once but hey, impulsiveness isn’t always bad.

The undisciplined child is a new label for me. It actually explains why I struggle to do test framework/automation code from scratch, there’s so many layers of delayed gratification when trying to build test frameworks that help developers my brain just goes, “nope, no motivation what’s so ever”.

I really struggle to see the point of building out test automation. It’s not like I can’t do it, but I have huge procrastination barriers inside my own head.

Maladaptive Coping Modes

Punitive Parent

The internalized voice of the parent, criticizing and punishing the self.

Reflections

Hello, this sounds like my harsh internal self critic that likes to make me feel like a failure. Also know as the muppet. Addressing this critic has been the main focus of my therapy sessions so far.

Categories
depression Finances mental health

How I recharge

Today I ran out of spoons and I didn’t realize until I started my walk to work and I started tearing up over listening to this podcast about people going for walks. Now there were some touching stories but I even got a bit teary feeling grateful over my morning coffee. 😭.

So yeah, ok then. It was going to be one of those days where I’ll be over sensitive. No watching Pixar films for me then.

I called in sick for the day, told me team I was out of spoons. I’m really grateful that I can be open about this stuff with my colleagues.

The source of my depletion

I’ve started studying a graduate diploma in financial advice part time on top of full time work. I had 2 interview assessments this week where I had to play the role of advisor for two hypothetical couples. I’ve also had two statement of advice assignments due over the last two weekends. Today was burn out day.

Retail Therapy

I started my morning with a nice coffee and breakfast in a cafe. Taking this time to appreciate food helps me recenter. Then it was a walk through Newtown and I ended up buying some awesome craft beer. We are hosting board games tomorrow and I enjoy sharing a beer with friends.

I think using retail therapy to help me feel better is one way my credit card debt got to 35K. I never use to budget for these episodes and because I have an impulsive nature that’s impossible to reign in during a low day all of those purchases use to go on the credit card.

Today, they didn’t go on a credit card. I don’t have one any more. Instead those purchases came out of splurge account, this is money I’ve already put aside to spend on what ever brings me joy. Big win for the budget there. You can read more about my budget here.

Other recharging activities

I had an afternoon nap. It was just so nice to rest for a bit. I also find the act of writing helps me to get my thoughts in order. It helps me get my thoughts out of my head. Hence this blog. I would consider going for a motorbike ride if I hadn’t already left home for the day. I’m going to watch some TV and drink beer with my partner this evening.

Having friends over for boardgames tomorrow is also going to help. I love cooking and creating tasty things, cooking for others is one way I make myself feel useful and appreciated.

How do you recharge your spoons?

Categories
mental health Weight Loss

Medical History

For the purposes of generating life insurance quotes and my own life admin I thought I would write down my medical history. I don’t believe this stuff needs to be private, does it? I’m 31, female, 160 cm tall and 87 kg. White collar worker, University qualified on a 120k salary per year.

As a kid

I had asthma from the ages of 4 to about 16. I also grew up as a fat kid. When I was 2 I hit my eyebrow on a coffee table, I had to have 3 stitches. I needed glasses in school from the age of 14, I’m short sighted and have a mild astigmatism in one of my eyes. I grew up in Tasmania.

Chronic Depression

I developed chronic depression during uni around the age of 21. I had just come back from a year on exchange in Sweden, had a bad break up and started failing my studies. I just couldn’t cope. I had 6 sessions of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and mindfulness techniques to help. No anti depressants where prescribed. I moved to Sydney back in 2013, since then I’ve had minor relapses of depression but not a chronic episode. I’ve never been hospitalised. I was on anti depressants for a few months before my weight loss surgery in 2016. I’m currently going through schema therapy. There’s also this 8 years of depression post and the dark side of my mind post too if you’d like to read more.

Getting my teeth done

I got invisilign to straighten my teeth in 2014. I had a bunch of fillings done just before this. My dentist told me there was a long term risk of wear and tear with my old over bite. I thought it was worth fixing. I now don’t wear my retainer (my depression made it hard to stick to).

Sciatic Nerve issues

During Christmas in 2015, I was visiting family in Tassie. I developed a sciatic nerve problem and it was hard to sit down. I went through physio to help stretch it back out. It doesn’t impact my work duties today. I worked in supermarkets for 7 years going through highschool, towards the end of it I had hurt my back lifting some boxes. An xray showed a potential disk issue in my lower back. This probably fed into the sciatic nerve problem. I haven’t had an issue with this nerve since.

Weight Loss Surgery

Back in October 2016, I had gastric sleeve surgery. I had 80% of my stomach removed. I was 127 kg before the surgery. I got down the 75kg within 12 months after surgery and I’m now at 87 kg. I had my gall bladder removed in March 2020. This is a common complication after rapid weight loss. You can see some of my fat photos here. I get regular bloods to check my nutrition levels for this now.

Broken Ankle

At the end of 2017 I fell off a wall indoor rock climbing. I was in hospital for a week, had 2 surgeries and couldn’t walk for 12 weeks. I had to have a third surgery at the 12 week mark to remove the two bolts holding my ankle together. I still have a bit of weakness/stiffness in the ankle, there’s a plate and a dozen screws still in there that I probably won’t remove. I’m currently doing physio to improve my ankle. It doesn’t impact my day to day work. You can read more about my broken ankle journey here if you like.

I’m also flat footed and have inner souls to support my feet.

Current Medication

I’m currently on the birth control (Levlen), I was previously on Normin but supplies of that dried up recently. I take melatonin to help me sleep at night. My vaccines are generally kept up to date. I’ve taken the flu vaccine nearly every year since I lived in Sweden.

Family History

There’s some family history of depression, obesity and kidney problems. Someone was allergic to some form of anaesthetic or pain killer but I haven’t had any issues with my previous surgeries.

Drugs

I don’t smoke or do drugs. I might have smoked half a joint while in Amsterdam when I was 20. I drink, mostly beer. I’ll have up to 5-6 standard drinks a week. I don’t regularly binge drink and I don’t drink every day. It’s usually a few social beers with friends on a Friday/Saturday. I use to smoke socially when going out as a 18-19 year old.

Categories
mental health mindfulness

Schema Therapy part III

In my last reflection on my journey through Schema Therapy, I’ve found out that Social Isolation and Unrelenting Standards are my main two influencing schema’s. When people have these schema’s they can potentially develop the following poor coping mechanisms:

SchemaSurrenderAvoidanceOvercompensation
Social Isolation/
Alienation

Becomes part of a group but
stays on the periphery; does
not fully join in.
Avoids socializing; spends
most of his or her time alone.
Puts on a false “persona” to join
a group, but still feels different
and alienated.
Unrelenting Standards/
Hyper-criticalness


Attempts to perform
perfectly; sets high
standards for self and
others.
Avoids taking on work tasks;
procrastinates.
Throws out high standards
altogether and settles for
below-average performance
Table is adapted from Young et al (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioners Guide.

Social Isolation Schema

I have this schema, but I don’t have any of the poor coping mechanisms. So I think this schema is not the one causing me the most stress or suffering in life. I view myself as an odd ball, but I’m comfortable with that part of myself and feel like I can bring that authentic part of my to my daily part of interactions in both my work and personal life.

Unrelenting Standards Schema

This is my main schema that causes me the most problems. I have a tendency to procrastinate on work tasks, even to my own detriment. Avoidance is usually my poor coping mechanism of choice here. I also have a tendency to get distracted by the new shiny idea and never finish it.

Other Strong Sentiments

From doing the schema survey with my psychologist there’s a few more strong sentiments that I’d like to reflect on.

In the end, I will be alone

This is in a literal sense. I beleive when people die, we die alone. There’s no one there with us. I don’t beleive I’ll be alone in my old age and I don’t beleive that I don’t deserve love. I’ve already got the wheels in motion to have a pretty comfortable retirement.

Most people only think about themselves

This belief is founded in an understanding of human nature. I don’t beleive people are ill natured. Everyone thinks they are morally up right citizens. But a lot of self less acts can be analysed from an individual benefit too. Donating your time/money to other people also helps you feel good too. We are social creatures who also ger personal benefits when we coorporate with others.

I don’t fit in

I view myself as an odd ball. I’m ok with this.

If I disappeared tomorrow, no one would notice

There’s a bit of existential dread with this one. Sometimes when my depression is taking up more attention, I desire for the world to open up and I could disappear forever. It’s easy to think that no one cares. When I don’t have good social connections with people my mind goes down this path. Sometimes I wonder, “If I died tomorrow, who’d turn up at my funeral? What would they say?”.

I am inherently flawed and defective

This is a hard belief to see written out. I didn’t receive a lot of praise as a kid and I’ve always felt like there’s something wrong with me. My muppet (harsh internal self critic) likes to remind me of these feelings. I grew up as the fat kid too, so constantly being bullied feeds into this feeling.

My first part time testing job while in uni, I wasn’t praised until I left. I didn’t feel like I was doing any good until then. But I was also going through my first bout of chronic depression then too.

I’m a failure

No matter how succesful I am in life, my muppet likes to remind me of how much of a failure I feel sometimes.

I feel more like a child than an adult when it comes to handling everyday responsibilities

I think this is a common millenial experience. The idea of #Kidulting (pretending to be an adult when you feel like a kid) is fairly common in the media. At the end of the day we are all just faking our way through our journey of life and no one really knows what they are doing. I also love being a big kid at heart, I love jumping in puddles and approaching life with that child like wonder and curiosty.

What unhelpful beliefs do you hold?